got a D. a fucking D. i never want to see that again in my A level results.
Thats the "highlight" of the day. i didnt expect myself to get such a shitty result. totally fucked up now. feel like jumping off or something like that. i expected a B at least. not even a C. maybe too much false hope is not a good thing. i think i was given too much false hope. the higher i aim, the harder i fall. no one to talk too really, except for my mum. thanks for listening, i felt much better after talking to you. no one to talk to really, not anyone. not friends, not relatives, not anyone else. just my mum. haix. anyway, still feel quite shitty now.
There's once where someone asked me, if i got the feeling that my life is not going the way i planned? The answer is obvious nothing's going right. And the true explanation to the answer is that because i am not doing what i planned. i deserve it. i suck. life sucks.
Totally wear out and drained by this year more than any period in my life. it feels like im supporting 1 ton or something. not heavy for me to carry on. i think i gotta be strong and carry on.
No one's going to lead my life for me. I need to lead it myself.
Just talked to an old friend, we are the same, in the way that our lives is in total chaos. Feel like going back to sec school, nothing to worry, no need for mugging. eating and chatting is all we did. we did study, but that was minimal. Sian!!
Buck up! Its going to be over soon!
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gabriel
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Friday, March 07, 2008